Finding Home
by Saintbeast
Summary: Parn finally tells Deedlit how he feels, but in a world where such love is taboo, will that be enough? rated pg-13 just incase. one-shot.


Hello everyone! I'm Saintbeast and I just joined up! This is only the second fanfic I've ever written. So please keep that in mind and don't flame me to hard.

The story takes place a little while after the end of the original OVA series. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I owned Record of Lodess War I wouldn't need a disclaimer, but I don't, so I do. Got It? Good!

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Finding Home

By Saintbeast

It had been several weeks since Parn and Deedlit had left their friends. Each had their own reasons. Parn needed to keep moving forward so he could avoid seeing the past; Deedlit had come out of love, fulfilling her vow to always watch Parn's back.

Nearly asleep Deedlit rested her head against Parn's back; enjoying the sense of security she always found when near him. Parn silently wished that he wasn't wearing his armor. He could barely feel Deedlit as she drew ever closer. A light blush came to his cheeks at the realization of his thoughts.

The sky burned an awesome orange, as the sun was slowly consumed by the horizon. Out among the trees small flickers of light could be seen as thousands of tiny light beetles called out silently for their mates

"Deed? How about stopping here for the night?"

Tall, slender trees with yellow and orange leaves surrounded the small grove. Their most beautiful feature, however, was the blue oblong fruit, which seemed to hang from every branch. Parn had never seen such fruit, and though their beauty amazed him, he wasn't sure whether they were safe to eat. Though he figured Deedlit would know.

"It's so beautiful," Deedlit's voice seemed lost in wonderment.

Parn smiled broadly as his chest swelled forward. Suddenly feeling very proud of himself for finding such a place to camp.

The two dismounted and quickly set to making camp. Parn was making a quick final check of the perimeter when he sensed something. He turned quickly around, his hands standing ready to draw out his sword.

With both hands occupied, the fruit splattered against his chest-plate leaving behind several small, soft, purple seeds and a incredibly sticky smear of juice.

"You were supposed to catch it, not wear it!" Deedlit smiled but managed to suppress her laughter. Grabbing a blanket she helped Parn clean his armor.

"Well, at least, I guess this means their safe to eat right?" a smile spread across his face as Deedlit wiped the last few seeds from his armor.

"They're certainly not great, but I'm getting tired of nasen fruit and hardtack biscuits."

"You know you'll welcome to have some of the dried pork."

"Yuck!" and a playful smile was her only response.

The sun had now completely dipped behind the horizon, leaving the two in firelight. Parn lay stretched out along the ground his head resting on a half rotted log. Deedlit sat next to him. She had her arms wrapped around her knees. She looked silently up at the star filled night sky.

Over the last several weeks they had seen and done so much. Each day seemed to grow more beautiful, more breath-taking then the one before. Though for Deedlit something was still wrong. Each day, though close, wasn't perfect. She knew what was missing, his arms around her. That she knew would make each day perfect, but Parn so loved the idea of being a noble knight. Was there room enough in his heart for her too? She had to know, she didn't want to see another nearly perfect day pass. She didn't want to think that she had wasted so many days that could have been perfect, simply on wondering.

"Parn? Can I ask you something?"

"Umm, sure Deed. What is it?"

"Back at Valis, before Wagnard..." Her gaze shifted to the ground. A sad look played across her face.

Parn frowned, feeling guilty for not being able to stop Wagnard in the first place. He wasn't sure what awful, torturous pain she must have felt as the dark spirits pierced her body. Flowing though her, stealing her life energy and taking it to the sleeping Kardis. He wished now that he was stronger, that he could take that pain from her.

He pushed himself up. Feeling very unsure, he stared off into the dark tree line ahead of him. Pulling his feet in toward his body, he turned to see her.

"Yeah, I know. Before we left to deliver the message to Moss." A little hesitantly, Parn laid his hand on her knee, and tried to give a small smile.

Deedlit lifted her eyes and looked over at his hand. Quickly, fearing he would draw back, she moved her gaze toward his face. She returned his smile, she was grateful for his kindness, and for his attempt to spare her pain.

"Why did you give me the rose?"

Parn drew his hand back and looked at the ground. "Well, hush... I thought. After... ash. Well. Argh... It's... hard to explain."

"Please Parn, tell me."

Parn gave a deep sigh but complied "When Ashram died... well, I mean when we thought he had died in Fire Dragon Mountain, I watched him. I saw him and Pirotess sit there in one another's arms. I saw his face, Deed. I think we both realized it then."

Her white cheeks shown a hint of red, "W-what did you realize?"

"Pure good and evil doesn't exist, well I mean in humans anyway. There's just light and dark. Opposing sides. One can't exist without the other. Like a coin Deed, one face can't exist without the other. If there's no darkness then there is no light. Ashram wasn't evil, neither was Beld. They were just on the opposite side."

"I don't understand Parn." Deedlit looked into his eyes with uncertainty. "And what about the rose?"

"Ashram... Ashram spent his life chasing something that didn't exist, that wouldn't really change anything at all. He was consumed by it; he didn't see what was in front of him until it was to late. That's why I left Valis.. and why I gave you the rose. I didn't want to be so busy looking out into the distance that I missed what was in front of me." He smiled sheepishly, and reached back out his hand to touch her arm.

Blushing, she ducked her head down on her knees. After a brief moment she tilted her head and peeked at him from the corner of her eye. Smiling she said, "Tell me."

"Wha? Tell you... what?"

Lifting her head she giggled. "Tell me." She gave him her most innocent look.

"I uhh... well."

She moved her body over until she was snuggled close to his side. She giggled as she traced his jaw line with her nose. Greatly enjoying the sight of him squirming. "Just tell me."

"I...ahh. I love you." He said quickly. He smiled then chuckled. "I love you," he repeated as he stroked her face. His other hand reached around her back.

"Was that so hard, brave knight?" She sprang forward nearly knocking him over. For a brief moment their lips touched. Both appeared equally stunned.

"Deed, maybe we shouldn't."

"I thought you said you didn't want to miss what was right in front of you." She smiled mischievously.

Parn blushed a deep red. "Well, uhh. That's... not what I meant." He finished in a small voice.

Deedlit laughed softly, "I know. We don't have to do anything you don't want to. This is perfect enough." She nuzzled her head down in his neck, as she wrapped her long elfin arms around his broad human shoulders.

Parn looked a little worried, "I didn't mean it like that, Deed. I don't ...not... want to. It's just..." He blushed again as he tried to explain himself.

Deedlit pulled her head away and looked at him with all seriousness. "What?" She asked in a confused tone.

"...I...well" He felt paralyzed in her eyes. She looked so beautiful to him. Suddenly his face seemed to clear, and he couldn't seem to remember what had been holding him back. "Nothing," he softly whispered as he leaned his head forward. He could feel a heat, a pulse resonating in his lips as he slowly began to close his eyes. His heart flooded with all emotions as hers joined his single pulse. There was happiness and fear, love and shock, confidence and doubt.

Stunned by the sudden kiss, Deedlit was frozen for a moment. Quickly a swarm of warm thoughts and emotions came back to her, as her shock faded. This was perfect. Like she had imagined it.

The light of the full moon overhead illuminated the small grove. It shown off the smooth, white skin of Deedlit's back making her appear almost as a beautiful porcelain doll, as she laid against Parn's tanned and well-muscled chest.

Parn laid a warm arm across her back, its twin slowly tracing a line down her arm. Lying there he felt alive. Deedlit's slender arms wrapped around his wide chest. He would stay like this forever, there was a peace found here in her arms he never knew existed.

This was so perfect just as she thought it would be. She felt a happiness lying there feeling his heart beat against her breast. His arms felt so wonderfully warm. She knew she would never forget lying here with him. She smiled; unfortunately their first time together had been less memorable. They had both been nervous; their movements were clumsy and inexperienced, painful even, in the beginning. Though in a strange way, Deedlit thought to herself, it had been the most perfect experience of her life.

She tilted her head, resting her chin on his chest. Parn lifted his head slightly to look at her.

"Sorry, we were really bad at it, weren't we?"

Parn's face turned a shade of crimson, as he stumbled for an answer. "Well, uhh... I mean... you... you were great."

"Liar," Deedlit responded with a smile.

"Okay we were a little...umm..."

"Clumsy? Nervous?"

Parn gave a small chuckle, "Yeah."

"Do," Deedlit shifted her eyes to the side, "Do you have any regrets?" She closed her eyes afraid of his response.

"I have plenty of regrets Deed."

The air seemed to remain still and stars ceased to sparkle. "Oh," She suddenly felt very cold inside.

"But I've never regretted any moment when I was close to you. I never have."

Deedlit's drooping ears picked up and she smiled. "Really?"

"Well of course. Did you think I would regret tonight? Today has been the most amazing day I've ever known. I wouldn't change any of it."

"Parn" Deedlit's arms tightly encircled his body as she pressed her cheek back against his chest. Silent tears worked their way down her face.

Suddenly an impish smile crossed her face and she lifted her head to look at Parn straight on. "I'm sure with a lot of practice we'll get better."

"uhh... umm..I well...haha..ah..urg.." Parn continued to release a nonsensical string of babble for several seconds as his face grew evermore red. Deedlit giggled with a wide smile. She enjoyed that this man who could battle the most powerful swordsmen, sorcerers, and even ancient goddess unflinching; could be so displaced by her with only a few words.

Parn released a whimper and squeezed his eyelids even tighter. It was no use. The sun continued it's attack, unrelenting, on Parn's sleeping form. Slowly Parn opened his eyes. He stared groggily up at trees. He laid there somewhere between sleep and awareness. Flexing his hand he tried to force the blood to return to the stinging limb.

Parn's eyes were suddenly focused and he was awake as he realized the flesh that had brushed his hand was not his own. He was suddenly washed over by the memories and experiences of the previous night.

Shifting his head he looked at Deedlit, who was laying on her side next to him. Her left side was draped over his body, and her arm lay across his stomach. Her hair had matted around her face. Parn used his right hand to brush away some of the golden threads which had fallen into her eyes.

Not wanting to wake her, Parn quickly withdrew his hand as her ears gave a few small twitches. Parn stared intently into her face but she remained in the blissful embrace of sleep. Sleeping, she gave a small smile and an inarticulate mumble.

Parn began to silently wonder in his mind what dreams she was having. Was she dreaming of me? Of the life we'll have together? He asked himself. But what life will we have? And how will we live? An elf and a human? That's something neither elves nor humans take to kindly. Ever since I meet her I have some how put her life in danger. What will happen to her if we are together... like this? Parn hated to think of the possible answers.

"What are you thinking?"

Her voice startled him. His head jerked quickly toward the source.

"What?"

Deedlit simply continued to stare into his dark eyes. Refusing to play along. Her eyes seemed to burn into him.

"This won't be easy," he finally said giving into her silence. "We'll have to fight for this, everywhere we go. I can't ask you to live like that."

Deedlit appeared shocked for a moment. Then quickly sat up away from him. She sat with her back to him. Her arms were folded across her front and her legs were drawn close. "Yeah, It doesn't matter. I mean we both had some fun, right?"

"Deed, that's..."

"Don't worry, it's okay," Deedlit interrupted. "You were just having a good time with the elf girl. Sorry I wasn't what you hoped for, you must be disappointed." Deedlit sunk her head into her arms.

Parn stared at the ground not sure what to do. "Deed? Don't say that. You know I didn't mean it like that. I love you; I just don't want to see you hurt especially because of me. Ever since I first meet you I have somehow put you in danger and pain. I just don't ever want to do that again, Deed."

"Don't you ever think of anybody else besides yourself?" Deedlit spun her face around to see Parn. Her voice was shaky and Parn could see the tears in her eyes. "You're such a selfish jerk! 'You don't want to see me hurt' Well, what about what I want, huh? Did you ever think of that Parn? You're so worried about becoming a knight and being close to Kashue," She spit the word like poison, "that you never even thought of me!! Of what I wanted! Stupid human." She finished in a low voice. Turning back away from him. She glared out toward the rising sun, a few small tears finding their way toward the earth.

Parn watched her with surprise. He had never thought of it like that. He never realized how his desires had hurt her. Parn reached out to lay his hand on her shoulder. "Deed, please.." He began but was cut short in shock and pain as Deedlit jerked her shoulder from his grasp. She refused to let him touch her, as she pulled her body in tighter.

"Let me tell you what I realized a long time ago, Parn. Life without pain and sadness, without worry and woe is no more a life then one without happiness, joy, and love." She released a deep sigh and looked back toward the ground, "Just go away."

He stared at her back wishing she would look at him, wishing with every part of himself that he could take back everything he had said. "Deed..."

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" She screamed as her voice broke.

"NO!" Parn screamed back surprised by his action. "I won't do that, I can't do that. I'm sorry Deed, I really am. I wish I could take back what I said, but I never meant that I didn't love you or that I didn't want to be with you. You're right, I was only thinking of myself. I'm sorry, I was stupid."

"It's okay, forget it," Deedlit said in a quite voice.

"I'm sorry Deed."

"Don't worry, I said forget it."

Slowly he reached back out toward her shoulder and was relieved to see she didn't pull away. "I'm sorry." He squeezed her shoulder lightly. "I love you."

She surprised him by turning around and moving her body back into his chest. Her arms were between herself and Parn. Her palms pressed against the base of his neck. "I know," she said as she laid her head on his shoulder. Not wanting her to turn away he hesitantly wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He laid his head against hers. She smelled like a kilia flower on a crisp morning.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I am selfish. I was thinking only of myself, I never thought of your emotions."

Deedlit took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, you're not a jerk and you're not selfish. You will do anything for your friends. You're with them no matter what. You aren't selfish and...I...I didn't mean to call you a stupid...human." She closed her eyes tightly, just wanting the world to go away and leave them alone.

Lifting his head, Parn smiled. He moved a hand and began to run his fingers though her silk like hair. "I know you didn't," he said as she looked into his face. She returned his smile and placed her head back against his shoulder.

They sat like that for several minutes. Simply enjoying being close.

Deedlit opened her eyes as Parn's hand fell from her hair. She thought he gone to sleep. She lifted her head to conform her suspition, but was surprised to see she was wrong. He had not fallen asleep. He sat looking into the trees with their slender trunks.

"Deed," He spoke unexpectantly, "I... I didn't know. About Kashue. I didn't mean to make you feel..." He was at a loss of words and was glad when Deedlit finished for him.

"Oh, it's okay. I understand, you don't meet your hero everyday." She blushed; embarrassed that she had admitted her jealousy of Kashue's ability to hold Parn's attention.

"I want to be like him," Parn's eyes grew distant. "Well, I thought I did. I wanted to be strong and powerful. To save all of Lodoss from the clutches of evil. I wanted people who I never met before to know my name."

"And now?" Deedlit didn't want him to stop. Finally he was opening up to her. He was facing his own emotions.

"Now? Now I'm not sure anymore. I don't know. I think...think I just want to be happy now."

"And how are you going to do that?"

"I don't know. I don't have a lot of practice being happy. I was always looking for some chance to become some one great. I guess I passed up a lot."

Unsure how to help him, Deedlit did what she could. Placing her hand on his thigh she smiled warmly, hoping that simply being there with him was enough.

The fear and uncertainty left his face as turned to Deedlit smiling. "Deed, you make me happy."

The surrounding countryside was magnificently beautiful, but Parn didn't notice. They had set out early in the afternoon. At first everything seemed fine but now a few hours later Parn knew something was wrong. Deedlit had remained quite for over an hour now. Parn knew she wasn't asleep. Something was bothering her.

"Deed, you awake?"

"Yeah," came a distracted reply.

Parn slowed the horse to a steady walk. "Oh, you just seem a little quite."

"Just thinking."

"Umm, ahh. About...what?"

Deedlit's eyes were glassy as she watched the fields pass by. "What you said earlier. About this not being easy."

That was what he had feared. He brought the horse to a stop. "Deed, you know I didn't..."

"You were right." Deedlit talked over Parn as if she hadn't heard him. "You were right. What will we do Parn? How will we live?"

"It doesn't matter Deed." Parn shifted in the saddle, twisting his back to look at her. "I was wrong Deed. I'm not worried about how we will live, because as long as you're near I know everything will be okay."

"But where will we live? What city would welcome us like this?"

"I don't know. But it doesn't matter. We will live where we are happy. We'll make a home of our own. We can live in each other's arms."

"How do you know?"

"I don't. It's what I believe. What I have to believe, because I can't give you up. I won't. Maybe we don't always have to look to the future. Maybe we should spend more time in the present."

Deedlit smiled. Her arms gently squeezed his stomach. "How do you do it?"

"Huh? How do I...do what?" Parn asked slowly, clearly confused.

"How do you make me love you so?"

Blushing Parn looked toward the ground. After a few minutes he looked back up at Deedlit. He chuckled neverously as he scratched the back of his head. "You know Deed, I was just wondering the same thing about you."

Smiling Deedlit lifted her head and kissed his cheek softly. Parn watched her for a brief moment as she moved her head back from his face. He reached out with his hand; gently he turned her chin back up toward him. Smiling he kissed Deedlit's lips. Surprised but happy Deedlit returned the kiss.

Finally breaking the kiss Deedlit looked into Parn's eyes. "Let's go now, Parn."

Giving a final smile Parn turned, putting his weight properly in the saddle again. He gave the reins a flick. "Where to, Deed?"

Deedlit leaned her head against Parn's back; enjoying the sense of security she always found when near him. "Let's find our home."

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Well, how'd you like it? Alright maybe it was a little on the fluff side, still, it was fun to write. Though I'm a little nervous now that other people can read it. Anyway PLEASE, PLEASE R&R!! I will love you forever if you do, Okay?

P.S.

Keep smiling! It's bound to catch on!

: ) : P : -


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